I AM HAVING A CRISIS!

((This one can stand alone pretty well but you can guess the shape of the plot that spawned this.))

They’re just sitting there.

Together.

Well, no, not really together. There’s an acceptable amount of space between them. Not too little, because that would draw suspicion of romantic intent, but no too much, because that might imply purposeful distance.

You know better, though.

Oh, do you know better.

Jane has a pen and a small flip notebook on the table in front of her, no doubt to take notes on the meeting that should be happening right at this moment. Unfortunately for all parties involved in this round table of dreambubble duplicates and living ecto-relatives, someone started an argument. That bled into another argument. And then another. No one probably even knows who originally started this chain of petty buttshit at this point, but from the looks of some of the other occupants of the table, it was not wholly unexpected.

Dave and Davesprite are passing a Rubric’s Cube between themselves, and it looks like Karkat and Rose are in a hushed discussion over some troll book.

You wish you had the forethought to at least bring a pad of paper to doodle on.

Which is exactly what Dirk is doing now on a page Jane’s pilfered notebook.

You try not to grind your teeth when he shows his drawing to Jane and she quietly covers her smile with her hand.

God do you fucking hate him sometimes.

Your name is John Egbert, and if Dirk Strider thinks he is laying a single inappropriate touch on your Nanna he’s clearly fucking mistaken.